At the peak of sophistication, maturity & elegance....ripened sexuality simmering....with inviting kindness & sweetness....AT THE AGE OF 34, I become an experience....a young man has to have.
This time he's 22. You can do the math. I told him, "I'm sorry." Even if I didn't have a boyfriend right now, I still would decline dating him. I asked why he wants to date me. Because he wants to try dating an older woman, he replied. Much alike with my boyfriend's idea two years ago.
He is a decade younger than me. And a decade of gap in knowledge in relationship, too. I guessed he was having fun instead of dealing with, he was being dealth with. And therefore it was easier on his part. He had proudly informed me at the beginning of our relationship, that because of me, he had told his friends "to try to date an older woman, at least even just once." Sounds like a compliment. Yes but a selfish compliment aside from being stupid. It symbolizes the lack of respect for a woman. Because regardless of her age, a man should give the woman & the relationship the deserve respect, acknowledgement and maintenance.
Before him was a lover 9 years younger. He posed a sophisticated young man who was potentially more mature me. And so he so posed. Things that he said and the way he presented himself seeped through my curtain of delusions that age could possibly not matter...this time..maybe? But I was wrong. A relationship to him had to be free & open. He did not believe in titles. Because titles will lead to marriage. And marriage is not open & free. After asking him the 6-month question, the "are we boyfriend & girlfriend?" question, I have confirmed that I am not into open relationships. That I am, but can only be, settling for nothing else but a .....GIRLFRIEND material.
And I was, six years ago. For 4 years to young man 7 years younger than me. He could have been my ultimate lesson. But he was only the beginning. How could I have realized so early, until the years of gap in age are getting to be ridiculously obvious, obviously too far apart younger than mine. He had the promise of being my strength, my walls, my security. But his umbilicus was still attached to her womb. And I was a threat. He chose to let me go. I could not compete.
You might be saying, why then go out with young men? My sincere excuse, they want to go out with me, & not the other way around. But if I have done then, what I have done now to Mr 22, I could have avoided all the headaches & the heartaches. But then I would not learn my lessons, too.
This will be my last. There lies in my sky, the hope that this time I am doing it right. A decade sounds even, sounds strong, sounds historical. Maybe this time I will make history. In my life & his...that a decade is just a word. That 10 years is just a number. When we count our loving days with our hearts. When we see through our hearts what we mean to each other. When we feel with our hearts what we want from each other.
I am in my deepest understanding & my strongest acceptance, that you are but young & inexperienced. I will show the road from where I tripped & fall so many times before, and walked back & forth on. I know this road. Let me show you the way. It is up to you to follow me. Let me guide you. And if you stumble, my hand will never let go. Just hold on. But if you let go & give up....I will continue walking on. I've been on this road too long. The time has been awaiting for me to move on.
I am at the peak of my sophisticated romancing, matured loving & elegant caring. My sensuality ripe, my sexuality simmering. I have invited you with my kindness, delighted you by my sweetness....AT THE AGE OF 34...I become an experience...of passion to younger hearts. But also an experience to myself....of search of worth, built & strengthen by time.
I am like wine, getting better with age. But only one can take a sip, can take a taste. The one....who has been standing right beside me to this day.
A decade apart, at the age of 32, I became his experience...not only of passion, but above all...of LOVE.
And he became mine...to this day, 2 years after.
* I want to be with no one else but with the young man who gave me one hundred kisses.*
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